It's not hard to find football team analogies when it comes to Conservative politicians at the moment.
Boris Johnson is quite clearly Sheffield Wednesday. A bit of a joke but still with plenty of support despite being quite clearly hopeless. Rishi Sunak is Newcastle United, splashing the cash while pretending to be on the side of the working class. And Nadine Dorries, well she's Arsenal. Full of excuses, nowhere near as good as they think they are and prone to acts of stupidity.
But while supporting Sheffield Wednesday, sorry Johnson, is becoming harder and harder, even for his most devoted fans (we're looking at you Nadine), football teams can at least expect a politician's support to last a little longer.
Planet Sport looks at key members of the Cabinet and sees which teams can count on their support. Think of it as less Partygate, more Ashton Gate.
Boris Johnson - Arsenal, Tottenham, West Ham, Crystal Palace, Fulham, Brentford, QPR…
The PM claimed to support "all of the London teams" during his time as mayor of the capital in 2015.
How far down the pyramid that extends is not known.
He did recently meet an Arsenal midfielder, however. He didn't realise it was Partey, though.
Dominic Raab - Chelsea
When not pledging "his full support" for Boris Johnson, Raab is pledging his full support to Chelsea.
He made headlines at the end of 2021 for attending a game without wearing a mask despite the club specifically asking supporters to do so.
Rishi Sunak - Southampton
Southampton-born Sunak is a Saints season ticket holder whose hero growing up was Matt Le Tissier. Like everyone else.
Liz Truss - Norwich
Born in Oxford and having grown up in Scotland and Leeds, the former president of Oxford University Liberal Democrats' football allegiances mirror her political ones.
Having been elected to the South West Norfolk seat in 2010, Truss is now a Norwich City supporter.
A Conservative whose seat is the very epitome of safe, Truss is an advocate of safe standing, too.
Priti Patel - Arsenal
It's fair to say Arsenal fans weren't overjoyed when Patel revealed her support for the north London club earlier this month, with one describing it as "the lowest moment in the club's history".
And this is a club who had Osama Bin Laden as a supporter.
Michael Gove - QPR
Often seen out jogging in QPR merchandise, Gove adopted the club shortly after moving to London. But told David Cameron he was going to support Reading.
Gove was Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, and was born in Aberdeen, so QPR seems to be an odd choice. He's also MP for Surrey Heath, so should be cheering on Aldershot.
Sajid Javid - Not known
Javid's footballing allegiances are not known but he did say "we've got a really good team" when talking about England at the 2014 World Cup. So obviously knows next to nothing about the game. Maybe we should put him down as Man Utd.
Alok Sharma - Not known
It would be fair to say the Reading West MP is not a fan of his local side or indeed football.
When asked about Reading's fine start to the 2020/21 Championship season he not only didn't know they were second but thought they played in Division One. He compounded his error by saying that he hoped "at some point we will be back in the Premiership." Premier League Alok, Premier League. And no chance Alok, no chance.
Anne-Marie Trevelyan - Berwick Rangers
The Secretary of State for International Trade supports her local side, Berwick Rangers, and is a member of their supporters club.
Dr Therese Coffey - Liverpool
The Liverpool supporter's political and football allegiances created the perfect storm in June 2020 when she got embroiled in a high-profile Twitter row about poverty with Manchester United striker Marcus Rashford.
Even BT Sport presenter Jake Humphrey waded in as Rashford received a show of support that must seem a world away given his current on-pitch struggles.
Nadhim Zahawi - England
A self-confessed follower of his "beloved England football team", Zahawi asked Boris Johnson to fly the flag of England over Downing Street for the duration of the last World Cup. Probably buys half and half scarves.
Nadine Dorries - Liverpool
Liverpool-born Dorries supports the Reds though her great-grandfather was a founding member of Everton FC. Asked her opinion on the boos which greeted Prince William at Wembley for the FA Cup final, she said the prince was ambushed by the boos, was only at Wembley for less than ten minutes and then waffled on for ten minutes about the speed of the vaccine rollout. Faster than downstreaming, apparently.
Oliver Dowden - Not known
Dowden has previously admitted he has "never been a huge football fan" which is a politician's way of saying they absolutely hate the game.
Mark Spencer - Nottingham Forest
A former goalkeeper for the MPs' football team, as a Forest supporter, Spencer is accustomed to the rapid turnover of Tory leaders. He is backing Johnson "100 per cent". He said the same of Chris Hughton.
Simon Clarke - Middlesbrough
A lifelong supporter of Middlesbrough who admits he is "trapped on the Boro emotional roller coaster", he is also an advocate for safe standing.
Jacob Rees-Mogg - Not known
Still stewing over Old Etonians' defeat to Blackburn Olympic in the 1883 FA Cup final. Rees Mogg's children have been pictured in Liverpool kits, but the Leader of the House of Commons is a fan of John Barnes' other work.
Michelle Donelan - Chippenham Town
The MP for Chippenham is a fan of the town's National League South side who boast Tyrone Mings among their former players. Blue Army! Blue Army!
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